Only One
by demonic-angels
Summary: YAOI warnings are inside. Sora loves Riku. But Riku and Kairi are together. Sora feels everyone is ignoring him. What will he do? Crummy summary, I know.
1. Inner Turmoil

Okay, this is our first Kingdom Hearts fic, so please be gentle. As mentioned before, this is a YAOI fic. if you don;t know what that is, let me specify. Homosexual or a boy/boy fic. if that squicks you or you are a closed-minded homophobe, please leave. Otherwise, enjoy!  
  
Authors: Rayden&Kris  
  
Rating: R for AU, language, Yaoi and a suicide scene  
  
Pairings: Riku/Kairi at first, the Riku/Sora. Possibly others  
  
genre: Angst/Romance  
  
class: Multi-chapter  
  
disclaimer: If I owned KH, Riku would have squeezed through the door and ravished Sora with kisses. Do you see that in the game? No? Than that's a good clue that I don't own KH.  
  
Yes it is AU. The setting is on Destiny Islands and that's where the characters live. The Final Fantasy gang (even the moogles) live somewhere close to Destiny islands. Yes moogles ARE in my story, just not for a while. So yeah, nothing in the game really happens in this fic, so its an AU. Now that i'm done my ramblings, please enjoy the fic.  
  
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO  
  
o0-SORA POV-0o  
  
They're at it again. No matter how many times I try to be happy for them, I just end up feeling the same. Hurt. Sad. Inferior. Somehow betrayed. He always wins. Not just at fighting or racing, but at everything. You're probably wondering who it is i'm thinking about. Two people actually. They've both been my friends for as long as I can remember. Yeah, it's Kairi and Riku. They started dating about a month ago. I know what your thinking.  
  
"Why would that hurt you? Aren't you happy for your friends?"  
  
I'm happy they found eachother, I really am. There's just two problems though.  
  
1, they haven't really been my friends since they started going out. They ignore me when I try to talk to them. Sparring with Riku just isn't the same anymore. He still beats me, but something is missing. Whenever Kairi is around, he insists on showing off and when he wins he puts me down for being so damn weak! Yeah, some friend he is.  
  
Me and Kairi used to always have this thing where she would come get me at about seven o'clock in the morning and we would just walk around the beach and collect seashells or something. Then We would go get Selphie to join us and Wakka and Tidus, being the late-sleepers they are would come around at around noon and challenge me to a duel. But all that changed. Kairi hardly even speaks to me anymore and when she does, it's to ask if i've seen Riku. I'm just feeling the love here.  
  
2, Kairi has something I want. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help who I fall in love with. Before Kairi came, me and Riku were always together. It was hard to find one without the other. Even when she came, we were still constantly together. It was hard not to feel somewhat attracted to him at one point or another. To bad that one point came too late.  
  
It's true what they say. You never really appreciate something until it's gone. I thought me and Riku would always be friends, that nothing could ever come between us. It was about two months ago when I realised that I was attracted to him. I never acted upon it of course for fear of rejection. Isn't that what always steers you away? Still, I couldn't do anything when those feelings of infatuation became stronger. I daresay it was love. It was bothering me to the point where I just decided to tell him.  
  
I called him over and asked him to take a walk with me. He agreed and he was strangely enthusiastic about it, like he too had something to tell me. That should have tipped me off right away. I got my hopes up that he may like me back. That day still brings a bitter taste to my mouth and my heart breaks all over again.  
  
o0-FLASHBACK-0o  
  
"Riku, I have something to tell you."  
  
"Sora, I have something to tell you." We both say at the same time.  
  
"You first." We say, again in sync.  
  
I blush and gesture for him to go first. He gets a happy glint in his eye and he spill his news.  
  
"Kairi and I have started dating!" He says positively gushing.  
  
Time stood still and I felt my heart shatter into hundreds of thousands of tiny little pieces. He catches my crestfallen expression.  
  
"Hey, are you okay? You don't still like her do you?" He asks with a worried expression.  
  
"N-No. I'm happy for you." I manage to get out though the pain in my shattered heart increases with each word I say. He smiles and says,  
  
"Great! So, what did you want to tell me?"  
  
'If I told you what I wanted to tell you in the first place, you'd only make me feel worse.' I think to myself. Out loud I said,  
  
"Oh, must've slipped my mind. Sorry." I say forcing a sheepish grin. He looks suspicious but waves it off.  
  
"Okay then. I gotta go meet Kairi. See you later." He leaves.  
  
I sink to my knees and do the only thing my instincts tell me to do. I cry.  
  
o0-END FLASHBACK-0o  
  
I guess he didn't know that the "see you later" meant that I wouldn't see him for a week and that he wouldn't speak to me except to look for Kairi or challenge me to a duel. I know I should probably move on, but I just can't. I know it sounds stupid, even to me but I love him. No matter how much pain he puts me through, I love him. I've tried hanging out with Selphie, Tidus and Wakka but it's not the same. I have connections with them, but they aren't as strong as my connection with Riku.  
  
I'm pulled out of my inner turmoil when Selphie walks by cooing about how cute Riku and Kairi look together.  
  
"Aren't they just perfect for eachother? I never knew Riku could be such a sweetheart! ahhh, I wish I had a boyfriend like Riku....."  
  
"Me too..." I whisper to myself.  
  
"Anyways, i'm gonna go find Tidus and Wakka. Wanna come Sora?" Selphie asks, emerald eyes glittering brightly.  
  
"Nah, i'm gonna see if I can pull Riku away from Kairi long enough to have a duel with him." I say forcing a smile on my face.  
  
"Okay! See you later!" Selphie grins and bounds off.  
  
I often find that now. The friends who are supposed to know me well ignore me, and the rest of my friends don't know me well enough to know when i'm putting a mask on or not. I bet Riku would know, but he's too caught up with Kairi. So now, i'm just a third wheel in my best friends' relationship.  
  
Why am I even here if nobody cares who I am anymore? Tidus and Wakka are always hanging out. They only ever came to me if they wanted to duel anyway. Selphie just does her own thing. She can be good company and she's a loyal friend, but she doesn't have a serious bone in her body. It's like pure happiness controls her every move. Of course Riku and Kairi have eachother. There was a time when they used to care about me, but those times are long gone.  
  
These thoughts have just put me in a depressed mood. I just can't help but feel like I failed at everything I've ever tried. I can't beat Riku at anything, I can't get him to like me, I can't even get anyone to talk to me no matter how many times I try! I guess you can just call me Mr. Invisible.  
  
"Riku! That tickles! Stop!" I hear Kairi call.  
  
"Nuh-uh, you didn't give me a goodnight kiss." Riku responds.  
  
"Okay, okay! I give." I watch as they lean in and press their lips together. Things are starting to get heated and I avert my eyes, feeling worse than ever.  
  
"Goodnight Riku." I hear Kairi say as she heads for her house.  
  
"G'night." Riku responds.  
  
I watch as he walks by me, not even turning to say hello or anything. I'm used to it by now. I watch him until he's nothing but a dot entering his house. I pick myself up from the sandy beach and start to head for my house.  
  
When I enter my house, I head straight for my room, not knowing (or caring) that I was the only one in my house at the moment. I'm used to that too. Not five minutes after I enter my room, my phone rings. I'm shocked that someone even bothered to call, let alone who it was.  
  
"Hi Sora!"  
  
"Kairi?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"What's up?" I ask, forcing cheer into my voice.  
  
"I just needed an opinion." Of course. It's not like she wants to know how i'm doing or anything.  
  
"Sure. What do you need?"  
  
"Well, I was going to ask Riku to share a paopu fruit with me tomorrow. Would that be too wierd? Should I wait for him to ask me? It's just that it's our 1 month anniversary tomorrow and I wanted to do something special for him. What do you think?"  
  
Oh great. Now the one I love will be bound to Kairi for eternity. What a fucking joy.  
  
"Sounds like a great idea, Kairi. I hope he accepts. I gotta go now, i'm really tired."  
  
"Okay! I'll see you tomorrow! Goodnight." She hangs up.  
  
She wants to share a paopu with Riku tomorrow. For some reason, this thought makes me angry. I had my eyes on Riku before she even came to this island! I love him and now I have to watch by the sidelines as my love shares eternity with someone else! Her last words rang in my head.  
  
"Okay! I'll see you tomorrow!...."  
  
Then I make a descision. No, she won't see me tomorrow. She'll never see me again. I would rather die than live the rest of my life being invisible. There's just one last thing I need to do. Let Riku know how I felt and why he had to read his former friends obituary in the newspaper.  
  
So, I grab a pen and paper and dishonestly write a letter to Riku. Weeks of inner turmoil pour into the pen and onto the paper. When it is finished, I read it over and with a satisfied nod to myself, I put my shoes on and head out the door to Riku's house.  
  
I know he wouldn't bother coming to my house, so I have to leave the note in his. I get there rather quickly. I climb the tree outside his bedroom window. His window is already open so I prop myself on the window sill and see that Riku isn't there, so I drop the letter onto his bed and climb back down. With one last look at Riku's house, I say a silent goodbye to the one I love.  
  
Back at my house, I go back into my room and look around until I find the switchblade that Riku got me for my birthday last year. I wonder if he ever would have thought that I would kill myself with it.  
  
"I tried to tell you Riku. I tried." I say to myself as I pull my gloves off and slash the blade across my wrist.  
  
Crimson fluid spills out rapidly and start to stain the carpet and my clothes. I quickly slash the other wrist and tossed the blade away. I sink down to the floor and slowly wait for darkness to claim me. I lay in a puddle of my own blood and my eyelids start to slide shut.  
  
"There's no one....like you, Riku. I...love you..." Darkness claims me as I feel my last breath slip away.  
  
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO End ch.1.  
  
Before I get pelted with random objects for killing Sora, know that it is NOT the end of the story! At the beginning, I mentioned that moogles would be appearing in my fic and that Sora and Riku would eventually get together. None of this had happened yet, so the story will continue!  
  
Now that thats outta the way, what didja think? RR please. Flames will be used to roast marshmellos with my girlfriend and laughed at. Yes i am sick, yes i am stupid otherwise i would have passed grade 9 history, but informing me of this will not make me stop writing. Constructive critism is always appreciated, i know my spelling sucks.  
  
Nice reviewers=happy authors. Happy authors=good things happening in story.  
  
Until next time, Rayden&Kris 


	2. I Never Knew

Thank-you for the kind review/advice! It really did brighten up my day knowing that some people like my story.  
  
musegurl18: Thank-you for the advice! I appreciate it very much and I tried to put that in effect for ch.2.  
  
QuickSilver5: What I was getting at was that Sora wanted to tell Riku himself so in a way, he's being dishonest to himself by writting a note and not saying things himself. You'll find out what he wrote in this chapter, and the rest are my little secret . Thank-you for the review!  
  
I forgot to mention ages last chapter, so, Sora is 16 and Riku is 17.  
  
Refer to last chapter for warnings.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned KH, Riku and Sora would be making out 24/7 during the game. Seeing as they don't even hold hands in the game, it's a safe bet that I don't own it.  
  
Ramblings are done, onto the story.  
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oO-RIKU POV-Oo  
  
(As Sora is leaving)  
  
Man there's nothing good on T.V. I need something to do. A good spar would usually entertain me when I'm bored, but I don't think Sora or anyone for that matter would be up and wanting to spar at eleven-thirty at night.  
  
Speaking of Sora, he's really been out of it lately. I wonder what's wrong....  
  
"I suppose this is better than nothing to watch." I muse to myself as I turn on "Who wants to be a millionaire".  
  
Half an hour later, I'm still bored out of my mind. So I decide to give Kairi a call. I walk to the kitchen, pick up the phone and dial Kairi's number. She picks it up on the first ring.(1)  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Guess who."  
  
"Hi Riku!"  
  
"And what would the lovely lady like for a prize?"  
  
"How about a night with my boyfriend at my place?" She asked "innocently".  
  
"Uh, how about some other time?"  
  
"Why not?" She whined.  
  
"Because, I'm really tired for travel tonight. Maybe tomorrow night?" Truthfully, I can't stand how pink her room is. And how can a girl have so much perfume? Why do girls even where perfume?  
  
"Okay! I have to go now sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow!" She hangs up.  
  
Out of sheer boredom, I decide to go to sleep. I head into my room, change into my pyjamas and lay on my bed. For some reason, I'm feeling too restless to go to sleep.  
  
I don't know why, but I feel really guilty. Could it be because I refused Kairi's offer? No, that's not it. I've used the same excuse lots of times without feeling guilty.......What the hell?  
  
I turned over on my side and noticed the corner of something thin jabs me in the ribs. I look down and find an envolope with my name neatly scrawled on the back. I raise an eyebrow in curiosity. Who would write a letter for me and leave it on my bed? It's not Kairi's writting. I stab my finger into a corner and run it to the other corner and pull out a folded piece of paper. Opening it, I read...  
  
Dear Riku,  
  
I don't know how else I could've told you this. I wanted to tell you in person but it's not like you'll willingly talk to me anymore. Not since you started dating Kairi. Remember when we were kids? You said nothing would ever come between us. I guess that says you're a pretty crappy fortune-teller. I didn't want the fact that you were dating Kairi to come between us, I still wanted to be your friend. But I guess that was just too much to ask for. Everytime you ignored me was more than just a slap to the face for me. I hope you're really happy with Kairi. I have something to say. I'm not just going to stand on the sidelines being invisible to the whole fucking island while Kairi gets to share an eternity with you! You're probably wondering why I say this. I was going to tell you the day you said you and Kairi were going out. I love you, Riku. You can sit there and think its sick all you want, I won't be around long enough for you to beat the shit out of me. You broke my heart that day. Every time I remember it, I feel like I just got stabbed by a thousand poisoned-tipped knives right in my heart. When you drop a vase made of china and it shatters, you can have the pride in knowing that my heart broke that easilly and you can sit on your ass and laugh at my pain. You broke me even more when you started ignoring me. Why did you? I guess that's how you get your kicks. But no matter how much pain you put me through, I still loved you. I was fragile and already broken and you kicked me when I was down, but I still loved you. You made it impossible to find the pieces to my shattered heart, but I love you anyways. I know that what I say is probably confusing you. I tried to express how I felt by speaking to you, but that didn't work. I've made my mistakes and let you down in the past. You may never forgive me for what I'm about to do, but you have to understand that I couldn't hold on for much longer. On the other hand, you may have thrown this letter out and not have a care in the world about what happens to me. I felt that you had to know before I walked out. I should have told you face to face, but this is the only way I could actually get you to listen to me! I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs just to get through to you, and you brush it off as silence! Well, now you will no longer have to put up with the third wheel in your relationship. You will always be my only one, no matter what you do to me. I love you.  
  
Sora  
  
My mind is completely numb at the moment. I never knew he felt this way! If only I had known how badly I've hurt him! But when Kairi said it would only be us from now on...  
  
I read the letter again. He loved me? I'm not sure what I should be feeling. I've always been close to him as a friend...  
  
I read it again before the matter of the letter sinks in.  
  
'You may never forgive me for what I'm about to do, but you have to understand that I couldn't hold on for much longer.'  
  
'Well, now you will no longer have to put up with the third wheel in your relationship.'  
  
"Oh fuck, he didn't!"  
  
My whole body freezes up, as if someone dumped me in a bathtub of ice water in antarctica. My very heart is cold. I can't believe this! I draw in some breath after going a whole minute without. I feel water welling up in my eyes, but immediately banish it. I can't jump to conclusions. Maybe he wasn't talking about suicide. Maybe he was planning on running away....  
  
With that in mind, I spring from my bed, grab my shoes and a jacket and run as fast as I can to Sora's house.  
  
'I haven't been here in a while' I muse to myself as I walK up the driveway and notice that Sora's parents are home. I head around to the backyard and find the tree just by Sora's bedroom window.  
  
Quickly and quietly, I climb the tree and pull myself to his window which is thankfully open. I pull myself in and land on the bit of floor that is between the window and his bed. The first thing I notice is that Sora is not in his bed. The second is the overwhelming stench that suddenly fills my nose. A stench that smells horribly like...  
  
"blood."  
  
My fears are immediately redeemed and I feel that horrible numb feeling creeping over me again. I urge myself to climb over his bed only to step in a puddle of blood. I look down and see Sora lying amongst the blood with his wrists slashed and his eyes closed peacefully. A switchblade lay a foot away from his body.  
  
"NO!"  
  
I kneel down next to him and put my hand to his cheek, which is ice-cold. Water once again wells up in my eyes.  
  
"He's sleeping. He's just sleeping. Those cuts aren't real. At any moment, he's going to wake up and chew my ear off for ignoring him and then he's going to apologize for such a sick practical joke." I had tears running freely down my face and made no attempt to clear them.  
  
I gently grabbed his body and cradeled it next to my own and slowly rocked back and forth. My body was still numb. I just couldn't accept it. My friend was NOT dead. He was sleeping.  
  
"Wake up, Sora. This is NOT funny dammit! I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry I broke my promise, I'm sorry for everything! Please i'll make it up to you. Just open your eyes and say this was just some sick joke! Please! You are NOT dead, so OPEN YOUR EYES!!!" I stopped rocking and buried my face in the crook of his neck and broke into uncontrolable sobs.  
  
Finally, I set him down and placed my hand over his chest. There was no heartbeat. He wasn't breathing. My best friend was dead.  
  
"NOOO! SORA!" I shouted in an outburst.  
  
Next I hear foosteps thundering down the hall. Sora's door is thrown open and his parents step through. His mother looks at her son with wide eyes and then to me.  
  
"What happened?" She asked in a choked voice.  
  
"I-I...I just got here and he was..."  
  
"Oh no...My baby. My sweet little baby!" Sora's mother bursts into tears and his father tries his best to comfort her while tears run down his own face. I need to get out of here.  
  
I run past Sora's parents, down the stairs and out the door. I run into my house slamming the door, not caring that I woke my parents up. I walk into my room, sliding down the door after closing it.  
  
I just couldn't get the image out of my head. Sora in a pool of his own blood, Sora not breathing, Sora dead. Looking at the mental image with my eyes closed, I notice that he killed himself with a switchblade. The one I gave him for his birthday. This send a fresh wave of tears down my cheeks. I rocked myself back and forth with a great feeling of emptiness.  
  
"You could have forced me to listen. I wish you would have told me how you felt. Please find peace, wherever you are."  
  
I get up after taking a deep, calming breath and walk to my bed. After some time, I lull myself into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of Sora's cold, dead body in his room.  
  
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO  
  
End ch.2  
  
(1) Sora would already be dying at this point.  
  
Last chapter was Sora-angst, this chapter was Riku-angst. No moogles yet, so the story is not yet over. Whoever guesses the song I was listening to when I wrote this chapter gets a lollypop. If you pay close enough attention, you can see I sort of wove some of the lyrics into the chapter.(Don't own the song by the way.)  
  
R&R please. Again flames will be used to roast marshmellows with my girlfriend and laughed at. Constructive critism is always appreciated, my speeling is worse than a two year old's.  
  
Remember, nice reviewers=happy authors.  
  
Until next time, Rayden&Kris 


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